The Loneliness of Spiritual Growth

I have always struggled to fit in and relate to people my age.

The things I liked were different. I seemed to see life differently and had different goals for myself.

It was at university that I really started noticing the gap between myself and others.

My group of friends all claimed to love traveling. We were studying tourism, after all. But to my surprise, none of them wanted to do something like Erasmus or spend extended time abroad.

That was the first time I felt truly disconnected.

Because to me, tourism was never something you could fully learn from books. You have to travel, experience different cultures, practice new languages, connect with people, and expose yourself to new ways of living. You have to step out into the world and, in doing so, discover yourself.

Halfway through my degree, I realized that although I found tourism interesting, it wasn't what I wanted to do with my life.

That realization brought me right back to square one.

If not this, then what?

Feeling Lost While Everyone Else Had a Plan

Then COVID arrived.

As strange as it sounds, I’m grateful for that period because it gave me a year and a half to reflect.

The problem was that after all that reflection, I still had no answers.

What I did feel, however, was a growing desire to leave my comfort zone and spend time abroad. Something inside me knew that I needed different experiences before I could understand my next steps.

At the same time, I was noticing family dynamics that other people didn’t seem to see.

My friends appeared to have everything figured out.

Some had detailed plans: graduate, work during the summer, complete a master's degree, gain experience, and continue building their careers.

The way they spoke made it seem like they had all the answers.

I didn’t.

I felt completely lost.

More than that, I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t like everybody else.

Why couldn’t I just get a job and move on with life like everyone else seemed to do?

I can completely understand how people looking from the outside—including family members—might have interpreted that as laziness.

But it wasn’t laziness.

It was confusion.

I desperately wanted clarity, but every time I thought I had found it, something would happen and I would be forced to start over.

Again and again.

Growth Changes What You Value

One thing I understand now is that growth changes your priorities completely.

At first, you care deeply about what everyone thinks.

You care about fitting in.

You care about meeting expectations.

You care about proving yourself.

But after feeling lost, uncertain, and misunderstood for long enough, something shifts.

You slowly stop caring.

Not because you become cold.

Because continuing to care hurts more.

The people who raised you may not understand you.

Your friends may not understand you.

The people closest to you may have no idea what you're going through.

And that hurts.

It can leave you wondering whether there's something wrong with you.

For me, solitude wasn't entirely new. I've always enjoyed spending time alone.

I wasn't the type who constantly needed social plans or large groups of friends.

But there came a point where I genuinely started preferring my own company.

I stopped trying to force myself to fit into places where I didn't belong.

I stopped changing myself to accommodate other people's expectations.

Without realizing it, I started prioritizing my own well-being.

Creating Distance

As I grew, I naturally created distance.

With friends, it became a physical distance.

Today, I have very few close friends, but the friendships that remain feel aligned and meaningful.

With family, it became more of an emotional distance.

Not because I stopped loving them.

But because I often felt they couldn't understand me.

Sometimes it felt like they wanted me to become exactly like them.

That only made me want to explore who I truly was even more.

People aren't good or bad.

Everyone has their own path.

Different experiences, different priorities, different beliefs.

That means we all see the world differently.

And that's actually beautiful.

There is nobody else exactly like you.

The challenge is that while we may understand this intellectually, we can still feel deeply judged when we choose a different path.

I remember feeling embarrassed and sad when I sensed family members judging my choices.

At times, I even felt that my own father viewed me as lazy.

Whether he said it directly or not, I could feel it.

That was painful.

Asking the Questions That Matter

At 21 years old, I started asking questions I had never seriously considered before.

What do I actually want?

What do I believe?

What does success mean to me?

Why am I here?

What is the purpose of my life?

Most of us inherit answers to these questions from our families and the environments we grow up in.

But just because those answers were right for someone else's path doesn't mean they're right for ours.

I truly believe that questions eventually attract answers.

Sometimes the simple act of asking is enough.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that life rarely gives us the entire plan.

The Universe usually reveals only the next step.

And then the next.

And then the next.

Our job is simply to trust enough to take the step in front of us.

Healing Can Feel Lonely

Spiritual growth is not just about learning.

It's also about healing.

Healing means questioning family dynamics.

It means unlearning patterns that no longer serve you.

It means having the courage to look honestly at yourself.

It means healing childhood wounds, adolescent wounds, and adult wounds.

And as you heal, you become more aware.

You begin noticing which friendships no longer fit.

Which conversations leave you feeling empty.

Which environments drain your energy.

This doesn't mean you're better than anyone else.

It simply means you're becoming more aligned with yourself.

Many people on a spiritual path feel like they're behind.

Everyone around them seems confident, certain, successful, and clear about their direction.

Meanwhile, they feel confused, uncertain, and lost.

I know that feeling well.

What Loneliness Was Trying to Teach Me

For a long time, I thought loneliness meant there was something wrong with me.

Now I see it differently.

Loneliness wasn't proof that I was broken.

It was proof that I was changing.

Looking back, I think loneliness was creating space.

If I had remained constantly surrounded by people, opinions, expectations, and noise, I may never have heard my own voice.

Loneliness forced me to sit with myself long enough to discover who I really was.

And for that, I am grateful.

What Helped Me Through It

A few things helped me navigate this period.

Books were one of them.

I became fascinated by psychology, relationships, healing, spirituality, and personal growth.

I was like a sponge, absorbing every piece of information I could find.

Journaling helped tremendously as well.

As an only child, I spent a lot of time in my own head.

Writing allowed me to slow down and untangle the endless thoughts running through my mind.

When you write, you begin connecting dots you couldn't see before.

Travel also changed me.

Travel forces you to confront your fears, your insecurities, your strengths, and your assumptions about the world.

It expands you.

And perhaps most importantly, I was fortunate enough to meet someone who became my best friend.

A person who understood me in ways few others did.

Having even one person who truly sees you can make all the difference.

Trusting Yourself

More than anything, this journey taught me to trust myself.

That little voice I ignored for so many years was trying to guide me all along.

Many of the decisions I made based on intuition didn't make logical sense at the time.

But looking back, they were exactly what I needed.

We are often taught—especially as women—to distrust our intuition.

To prioritize logic.

To seek certainty.

But some of the best decisions of my life came from listening to a quiet inner knowing that couldn't be explained rationally.

You Are Not Alone

Recently, I heard the phrase:

"With growth comes grief."

I think that's true.

As you grow, you grieve.

You grieve relationships.

You grieve old identities.

You grieve versions of yourself that no longer exist.

You grieve lives you no longer want to live.

Growth and grief often walk hand in hand.

But if you currently feel lonely, I want you to know something.

You are not alone.

You may feel alone.

But you are not.

Periods of intense uncertainty often appear right before we find the people, places, and experiences that truly resonate with us.

Loneliness is not always a sign that you're lost.

Sometimes it's simply a sign that you're finding your way back to yourself.

And if you're walking through that season right now, feel free to reach out.

Even as I write this article, I still feel lonely at times.

I would love to have more people—especially women—who understand this path and the challenges that come with it.

So if this resonates with you, I would genuinely love to connect.

And remember:

You are already enough.

You don't need to become someone else to deserve love, belonging, or happiness.

Trust yourself.

Follow your heart.

Listen to your intuition.

It may not always make sense.

But it knows far more than you think.

Thanks for taking the time to read!

See you next time, soul friend.

Bea 🧡✨