What “Returning to Yourself” Really Means

I always felt there was more to life than met the eye. But I was often too young to understand it, and no one in my family appeared to believe it or live by it.

I actually started realizing this after I graduated from university. Society and family had always told me to just get a job. I was finally an adult, and so I had to embrace the new responsibilities that came with it.

At the time, I was 21, and I had this tiny feeling or voice buried deep inside me that I only really noticed a year or so later.

Getting a job in a field I didn’t love didn’t make sense to me. I was told we’re supposed to enjoy what we do, but frankly, I didn’t even know what I enjoyed. I just knew that what I studied — tourism — wasn’t what I wanted to do.

I was, perhaps, too protected growing up, which meant I hadn’t really had the opportunity to try different summer jobs because it just wasn’t something I witnessed. I didn’t even know that was an actual thing, to be honest.

So at 21, I felt like I was starting from scratch. I had a degree but still had to figure out what I wanted to do.

I know I was extremely privileged as well because, even though I am not from a rich family, my parents always gave me everything. So while I am grateful for that, it doesn’t mean it was easy.

It actually became the hardest challenge of my life.

I remember noticing family members judging me for not having a job. They thought I was lazy and didn’t want to work. But they couldn’t have been more wrong.

That only added to the pressure I already felt because I was completely lost. My friends seemed to have it all figured out, even multiple steps ahead, and I just didn’t. Not at all.

I felt a lot of guilt, but also despair because I simply did not know where to start.

Thankfully, now I see I was always guided by something higher than myself — something I now deeply believe in. This is how I slowly started to find my way back to myself.

What “Returning to Yourself” Means

You must be wondering what that actually means.

“Returning to Yourself” is, in my opinion, one of the most important purposes of the life we are each living. I believe life is an eternal journey of self-discovery where we slowly begin to peel away all the layers of conditioning we received from our well-meaning families and society.

For me, it has been a spiritually exhausting journey and, without a doubt, a massive emotional roller coaster. So many unanswered questions. A path filled with uncertainty.

Moving to Italy Changed Everything

Soon after graduation, I moved to Naples, Italy, to volunteer with children. That’s when my growth really started.

I experienced a very dark reality where those kids were neglected and essentially abandoned to lives of criminality and poverty.

That experience showed me how much I loved children and wanted to work with them. Working with children guided me toward studying educational philosophies, and the one I resonate with the most is Montessori.

At the same time, I also started looking within and healing parts of my childhood.

I was definitely way too shielded from the world.

My mother’s willingness to do everything for me — out of love, of course — robbed me of the chance to learn how to do things for myself, trust my skills, and become autonomous and independent.

At the same time, my dad’s pressure surrounding money created a lot of guilt around feeling different and even left me feeling rejected and unloved by him.

After this period, I felt emotionally drained.

Even though my love for children is very real, working with them was difficult, and honestly, I didn’t yet have the qualifications necessary to do it professionally.

Learning to Face the Unknown

During this period, I felt called to work as an online teacher of foreign languages, which is another thing I’m interested in and naturally good at.

But as I was about to begin, I felt so overwhelmed by everything that I quit before even really starting and ended up working at a call center for a while.

Months later, I felt drained again, and I simply couldn’t understand why work had to feel this hard.

So I quit to try to work for myself again… somehow.

Again, being overly protected from the world had not taught me how to face the discomfort of the unknown or navigate the emotions that uncertainty triggers.

I had to put myself out there, but I didn’t feel good enough.

Subconsciously, I think that’s what a child learns when their parents do everything for them: “If they do everything for me, maybe it means I can’t do it myself.”

So I self-sabotaged many of my own projects.

Needless to say, that didn’t work out, and eventually I ended up working at a sports store for almost a year.

Why Spirituality Became My Foundation

Since moving to Italy, I had started learning more about spirituality and the law of attraction, and I could slowly see some improvements in my life.

In hindsight, I now see how much my soul wanted to venture out into the world and be free.

Whenever a job failed, my instinct was always to create something of my own.

But I was still young and deeply insecure about myself, so all those possibilities failed before they even really started because:

1. I didn’t believe in myself.

2. They still weren’t the most aligned path for me.

3. They often felt overwhelmingly impossible in the end.

Still, every experience I had was crucial.

Not only because of the people I met or the skills I built, but because of what I learned about myself.

In the meantime, spirituality became my core foundation.

Slowly but surely, I realized I had gone through these experiences to learn what I did not like so I could slowly fine-tune what I did like.

That’s why I recently left the store and finally began building this blog.

Why I Created Devoted Within

Don’t get me wrong: I still do not have all the answers, nor will I ever.

But I have discovered that I can adapt and that there has to be a God, Source, or Universe — whatever you choose to call it — guiding me every step of the way.

Especially since the passing of my grandfather, I have felt more protected and looked after than ever before.

I truly believe he is watching over me, so amidst all the unknowns, I can still feel a deep sense of safety.

I have finally made peace with the fact that my higher self and the Universe are guiding me. All I have to do is trust my intuition and follow what genuinely lights me up.

These years have taken me on a profound journey of unlearning everything I didn’t resonate with while slowly building the confidence to create a life I genuinely enjoy and deserve.

I don’t say this out of arrogance or selfishness, but I simply don’t think I’m meant to live a conventional life working for other people forever.

I value my principles and integrity deeply, and many people around me seem to live in ways that feel superficial and disconnected to me.

That’s why I created Devoted Within.

I often felt alone on this journey, so I hope that sharing my experiences can help someone else feel less alone too.

Even if this space helps only one person, then it has already served its purpose.

But I’m also not going to lie — I do need to make a living.

So in future articles, I may occasionally share affiliate links. However, my promise to you is that I will only ever recommend products or services that I genuinely believe can provide value.

Not everything will resonate with you, of course. But if something does, or if you simply want to connect, feel free to reach out to me or leave a comment below.

I want to live a life where I can be unapologetically myself — where I don’t have to hide who I truly am out of fear.

But there are many challenges that come with choosing this path.

People will often misunderstand you and therefore judge you.

But becoming strong enough and confident enough in your own truth is the goal.

This is your life.

No one else is living it but you.

So enjoy it.

Make the difficult decisions by following your heart.

You deserve the life you dream about.

And what you can dream, you can create.

That is my sincere wish for you and the path I am deeply committed to.

Again, if you’d like, I would truly love to hear from you and connect.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read!

See you next time, soul friend.

Bea 🧡✨